If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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