He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
