I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
