God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
