i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
