Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
