But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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