I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
