Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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