A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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