so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
