I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
