just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
