you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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