So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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