dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a beard to bite.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
