Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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