Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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