My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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