I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
