You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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