i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
