Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
