my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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