Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He passed out mid-signature
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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