Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
