the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
