This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I could make wine with my vomit
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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