I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
