3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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