Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
