She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
