wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
