That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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