im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
