I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
