Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
