New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
