Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
