I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
