dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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