i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
