why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
