Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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