sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize