What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the day after is always just damage control
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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