weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
