I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
