My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
