I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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