Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
