In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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