Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
