There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
