you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
