I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
