Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
