do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
