Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
