did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
