Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
