At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
