After last night, I could never be a politician.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
