I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
