I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize