i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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