There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
