so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
