Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He better not be in your backpack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
